Lapbutjarn is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, tiresome warg.

Lapbutjarn created humankind four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapbutjarn, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Lapbutjarn, she will destroy your favourite star.

Lapbutjarn's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Lapbutjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Always help sick ducks.

3. Never think about cell theory.

4. Never talk about planets.

5. Pray towards the south.