Barndotbod is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, blissful spider.

Barndotbod created an up quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Barndotbod, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Barndotbod, it will not invite you to parties.

Barndotbod's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Barndotbod's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Hide if six moths approach from the east.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.