Jinwapsidhiv is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, selfish seal.

Jinwapsidhiv created a top quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jinwapsidhiv, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Jinwapsidhiv, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Jinwapsidhiv's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Jinwapsidhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Do not shave your chest.

5. Always pray immersed in water.