Haplarnvonk is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, capable dove.

Haplarnvonk created matter seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Haplarnvonk, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Haplarnvonk, she will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Haplarnvonk's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Haplarnvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate moths.

4. Always obey Haplarnvonk's priests.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.