Dabkaptim is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, self-confident hamster.

Dabkaptim created dark matter nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dabkaptim, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Dabkaptim, it will turn you into a goat.

Dabkaptim's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Dabkaptim's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about asteroids.

2. Always treat squirrels with great respect.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Always help sick pigs.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.