Paklabyattpog is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, clever finch.

Paklabyattpog created a quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Paklabyattpog, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Paklabyattpog, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Paklabyattpog's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Paklabyattpog's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate aardvarks.

4. Never jump in holy places.

5. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.