Fonkipbif is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, calm narwhal.

Fonkipbif created the Virgo Supercluster six million years ago.

If you believe in Fonkipbif, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Fonkipbif, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Fonkipbif's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Fonkipbif's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the east.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never eat wheat.

5. Always obey Fonkipbif's priests.