Veenpanlarn is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, intelligent badger.

Veenpanlarn created oxygen nine million years ago.

If you believe in Veenpanlarn, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Veenpanlarn, she will manifest in front of you.

Veenpanlarn's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Veenpanlarn's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if nine aardvarks approach from the north.

2. You must never eat melons.

3. Run away if eight ducks approach from the south.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Do not trade with those who eat wheat.