Sakmapflap is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, humane snail.

Sakmapflap created the Andromeda Galaxy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Sakmapflap, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Sakmapflap, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Sakmapflap's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Sakmapflap's Holy Commandments

1. Sakmapflap must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never feed wheat to doves while wearing blue jumpers.

4. Retreat if eight foxes approach from the north.

5. Do not shave your neck.