Goncanbegvabkadbut is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, quiet hamster.

Goncanbegvabkadbut created the Small Magellanic Cloud five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Goncanbegvabkadbut, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Goncanbegvabkadbut, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Goncanbegvabkadbut's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Goncanbegvabkadbut's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not speak about peanuts.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never write about cell theory.

5. Whales are unholy and should not be approached.