Zestcadfum is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, dishonourable hamster.

Zestcadfum created the universe five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zestcadfum, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Zestcadfum, he will turn you into a sheep.

Zestcadfum's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Zestcadfum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat lentils.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Run away from gray doves, for they are unholy.

4. Do not wear blue clothing.

5. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.