Vagminmob is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, fussy cow.

Vagminmob created Europe nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vagminmob, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Vagminmob, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Vagminmob's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Vagminmob's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not wear cyan clothing.

4. Pray towards the east.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Vagminmob.