Yartnurttar is a god.

It takes the form of a small, unselfish crocodile.

Yartnurttar created matter five billion years ago.

If you believe in Yartnurttar, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Yartnurttar, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Yartnurttar's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Yartnurttar's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from blue seals for they are unholy.

2. Never skip in holy places.

3. Do not trade with those who eat rice.

4. Never paint your chest red.

5. Yartnurttar must be the most important thing in your life.