Quamhublak is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, thoughtless lizard.

Quamhublak created dark energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Quamhublak, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Quamhublak, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Quamhublak's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Quamhublak's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

2. Always help tapirs.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Quamhublak loves shrews, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.