Cumnellwig is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, two-faced hamster.

Cumnellwig created the planet Mars three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cumnellwig, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cumnellwig, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Cumnellwig's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Cumnellwig's Holy Commandments

1. Always help moths in need.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Cumnellwig.

4. Never think about gravity.

5. Do not make images of living things.