Satsatcaning is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, dishonourable cat.

Satsatcaning created Mount Everest five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Satsatcaning, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Satsatcaning, she will turn you into a duck.

Satsatcaning's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Satsatcaning's Holy Commandments

1. Satsatcaning must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not drink water in violet rooms.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Run away if eight capybaras approach from the west.

5. Never sit in the presence of eagles.