Flapcutgil Nellragflab is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, awesome bird.

Flapcutgil Nellragflab created water nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flapcutgil Nellragflab, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Flapcutgil Nellragflab, he will turn you into a mole.

Flapcutgil Nellragflab's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Flapcutgil Nellragflab's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

2. Flapcutgil Nellragflab must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Always make sure there are no bats in a building before entering it.

4. Always help otters.

5. Do not commit murder.