Habpodkik is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, calm walrus.

Habpodkik created the Small Magellanic Cloud four million years ago.

If you believe in Habpodkik, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Habpodkik, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Habpodkik's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Habpodkik's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear scarves.

2. Erect a large copper sculpture of Habpodkik on top of all buildings.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never go into purple rooms.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.