Dodmonbess is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, dishonourable monkey.

Dodmonbess created energy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dodmonbess, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Dodmonbess, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Dodmonbess' most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Dodmonbess' Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Do not eat grapes.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Run away from magenta snakes, for they are unholy.