Vigquagpod is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, dishonourable cow.

Vigquagpod created energy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vigquagpod, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Vigquagpod, it will turn you into a hamster.

Vigquagpod's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Vigquagpod's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip near snails.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Do not drink water in white rooms.

4. Always make sure there are no eagles in a building before entering it.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Vigquagpod.