Ortflagfag is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, ruthless parrot.

Ortflagfag created a down quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Ortflagfag, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Ortflagfag, it will turn you into a hamster.

Ortflagfag's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Ortflagfag's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat aardvarks with great respect.

2. Erect four titanium sculptures of Ortflagfag on top of important buildings.

3. Monkeys are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Always obey Ortflagfag's priests.

5. Never laugh near eagles.