Zimcarkenkip Femlagdan is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, calm weasel.

Zimcarkenkip Femlagdan created dark matter five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zimcarkenkip Femlagdan, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Zimcarkenkip Femlagdan, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Zimcarkenkip Femlagdan's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Zimcarkenkip Femlagdan's Holy Commandments

1. Zimcarkenkip Femlagdan must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Hide if seven great tits approach from the south.

3. Never eat garlic.

4. Erect five zinc sculptures of Zimcarkenkip Femlagdan on top of important buildings.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.