Toncutmig Nurtgetban Logjatmab is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, uncaring clam.

Toncutmig Nurtgetban Logjatmab created an up quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Toncutmig Nurtgetban Logjatmab, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Toncutmig Nurtgetban Logjatmab, he will boil you in a big pot.

Toncutmig Nurtgetban Logjatmab's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Toncutmig Nurtgetban Logjatmab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Always help bats.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Toncutmig Nurtgetban Logjatmab on top of all buildings.

5. Do not sit in public.