Lamtifrig is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, overgenerous spider.

Lamtifrig created humankind six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lamtifrig, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Lamtifrig, she will turn you into a snail.

Lamtifrig's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Lamtifrig's Holy Commandments

1. Lamtifrig must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never write about gravity.

3. Snails are not to be trusted.

4. Never think ill of sick manatees.

5. Always look after injured mites.