Yarlbigquatjin is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, merciless guinea pig.

Yarlbigquatjin created the planet Jupiter six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlbigquatjin, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Yarlbigquatjin, it will turn you into a slug.

Yarlbigquatjin's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Yarlbigquatjin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never write about gravity.