Bafhivwee is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, caring grasshopper.

Bafhivwee created the planet Mars five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bafhivwee, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bafhivwee, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Bafhivwee's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Bafhivwee's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Erect six gold sculptures of Bafhivwee on top of important buildings.

3. Never eat coconuts.

4. Do not drink water in fawn rooms.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bafhivwee.