Laphograk is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, selfish yak.

Laphograk created a top quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Laphograk, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Laphograk, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Laphograk's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Laphograk's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never mention tapirs.

3. Never eat wheat.

4. Do not shave your hands.

5. Do not speak about pineapples.