Nartmangat is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, slow hippopotamus.

Nartmangat created the planet Saturn two years ago.

If you believe in Nartmangat, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Nartmangat, she will turn you into a rock.

Nartmangat's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Nartmangat's Holy Commandments

1. Put Nartmangat first in all things.

2. Never wear orange tights.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never write about moons.

5. Always help aardvarks.