Vankamhiv is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, tranquil squid.

Vankamhiv created the universe four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vankamhiv, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Vankamhiv, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Vankamhiv's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Vankamhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Never think about amino acids.

3. Pray towards the north.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.