Bonktaljip Lagjinfem is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, wise deer.

Bonktaljip Lagjinfem created dark matter four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bonktaljip Lagjinfem, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bonktaljip Lagjinfem, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Bonktaljip Lagjinfem's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Bonktaljip Lagjinfem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about peas.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.