Kapjoppom is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, unsympathetic spider.

Kapjoppom created the planet Mars two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kapjoppom, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kapjoppom, she will turn you into a mole.

Kapjoppom's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Kapjoppom's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Kapjoppom.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Pray towards the west.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.