Ranstaffud is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, awe-inspiring ant.

Ranstaffud created vertebrates seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ranstaffud, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Ranstaffud, she will boil you in a big pot.

Ranstaffud's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Ranstaffud's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Ranstaffud.

2. Hide if nine snails approach from the west.

3. Ranstaffud loves cats, so they must be honoured.

4. Always help swans.

5. Do not make images of living things.