Ontteenfebbom is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, resourceful raccoon.

Ontteenfebbom created humankind five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontteenfebbom, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Ontteenfebbom, he will turn you into a sheep.

Ontteenfebbom's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Ontteenfebbom's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Ontteenfebbom.