Tikvolwit is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, duplicitous scorpion.

Tikvolwit created viruses nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tikvolwit, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tikvolwit, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Tikvolwit's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Tikvolwit's Holy Commandments

1. Pigs are not to be trusted.

2. Never wear turquoise dresses.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never write about black holes.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Tikvolwit.