Kabhakwip is a god.

She takes the form of a large, wise squirrel.

Kabhakwip created an up quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Kabhakwip, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Kabhakwip, she will refuse to believe in you.

Kabhakwip's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Kabhakwip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about cherries.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Never paint your head yellow.

4. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Do not covet oxen.