Vanvigstaf Nuttarfdun is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, fast deer.

Vanvigstaf Nuttarfdun created Africa seven million years ago.

If you believe in Vanvigstaf Nuttarfdun, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Vanvigstaf Nuttarfdun, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Vanvigstaf Nuttarfdun's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Vanvigstaf Nuttarfdun's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Vanvigstaf Nuttarfdun.

2. Never look at comets.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Do not dye your hair mauve.