Xucwegtif is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, self-confident jellyfish.

Xucwegtif created viruses nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Xucwegtif, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Xucwegtif, he will turn you into a puffin.

Xucwegtif's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Xucwegtif's Holy Commandments

1. Xucwegtif loves snails, so they must be honoured.

2. Never eat wheat.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Xucwegtif.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate dogs.