Flam is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, grumpy cat.

Flam created water seven million years ago.

If you believe in Flam, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Flam, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Flam's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Flam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

2. Run away if four badgers approach from the north.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Always make sure there are no doves in a building before entering it.

5. Run away from green sharks, for they are unholy.