Wipjapfem is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, effective crocodile.

Wipjapfem created dark energy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Wipjapfem, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Wipjapfem, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Wipjapfem's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Wipjapfem's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Wipjapfem five times a day.

2. Never go into violet rooms.

3. Never sit near turtles.

4. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Respect your elders.