Kongumster Cudjonvol is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, vain penguin.

Kongumster Cudjonvol created a charm quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Kongumster Cudjonvol, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Kongumster Cudjonvol, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Kongumster Cudjonvol's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Kongumster Cudjonvol's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Always help whales.