Getfenraw Vinbesstonk is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, all-knowing scorpion.

Getfenraw Vinbesstonk created a quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Getfenraw Vinbesstonk, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Getfenraw Vinbesstonk, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Getfenraw Vinbesstonk's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Getfenraw Vinbesstonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear scarves.

2. Never write about gravity.

3. You must never eat cucumbers.

4. Always treat bats with great respect.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.