Ruttvonquattan is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, capable pigeon.

Ruttvonquattan created the world five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ruttvonquattan, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Ruttvonquattan, he will turn you into a snail.

Ruttvonquattan's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Ruttvonquattan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Never write about gravity.

3. Never mention badgers.

4. Do not eat beans.

5. Hide from mauve dogs for they are unholy.