Cemminsissat is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, irritating horse.

Cemminsissat created a top quark four years ago.

If you believe in Cemminsissat, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Cemminsissat, it will refuse to believe in you.

Cemminsissat's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Cemminsissat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about cucumbers.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Run away from turquoise sharks, for they are unholy.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.