Nuttyarpflan is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, able hydra.

Nuttyarpflan created carbon eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nuttyarpflan, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Nuttyarpflan, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Nuttyarpflan's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Nuttyarpflan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

2. Do not eat cherries.

3. Do not trade with those who eat beans.

4. Nuttyarpflan loves bats, so they must be respected.

5. Always help monkeys.