Flatkabgat is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, moody tortoise.

Flatkabgat created a down quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Flatkabgat, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Flatkabgat, she will destroy your home planet.

Flatkabgat's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Flatkabgat's Holy Commandments

1. Put Flatkabgat first in all things.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not shave your face.

4. Never talk about grasshopers.

5. Fast once a month.