Gesstanpom is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, narcissistic seal.

Gesstanpom created bats eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gesstanpom, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Gesstanpom, it will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Gesstanpom's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Gesstanpom's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate manatees.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Always help otters in need.

4. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Never talk about nebulae.