Matominjat Donjinflat is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, awesome penguin.

Matominjat Donjinflat created humankind nine million years ago.

If you believe in Matominjat Donjinflat, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Matominjat Donjinflat, she will turn you into a mole.

Matominjat Donjinflat's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Matominjat Donjinflat's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Matominjat Donjinflat.

2. Never feed limes to nematodes while wearing brown rings.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Do not chop down trees.