Appbifgum is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, two-faced lobster.

Appbifgum created a top quark two years ago.

If you believe in Appbifgum, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Appbifgum, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Appbifgum's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Appbifgum's Holy Commandments

1. Goats are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Always obey Appbifgum's priests.