Flankikkad is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, effective whale.

Flankikkad created a top quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flankikkad, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Flankikkad, he will turn you into a mole.

Flankikkad's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Flankikkad's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Run away if three swans approach from the east.

4. Never skip near snails.

5. Always look after injured monkeys.