Venjigwot is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, contented penguin.

Venjigwot created Asia eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Venjigwot, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Venjigwot, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Venjigwot's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Venjigwot's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Never feed gooseberries to cats while wearing pink hats.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Venjigwot must be the most important thing in your life.